Holly Madison also penned a tell-all memoir called Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny, where she will be ripping APART her life at the Playboy Mansion.
While many assume living in the Playboy mansion was glamorous, Madison depicts her time there as anything but!ÃÂ She says:
“Everyone thinks that the infamous metal gate was meant to keep people out. But I grew to feel it was meant to lock me in.”
She talks about depression, and how she felt her life was so bleak she contemplated ending it. In 2002, the blonde beauty recalls lying a bathtub and committing suicide.
“If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over. Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.”
She also thought about her boyfriend Hugh Hefner and how he would react if she died.
“Would he even miss me? No, I was certain I was just another warm body Ã¢â¬â as we all were. ‘Just another blonde,’ I could hear him say.”‘
Ew.ÃÂ Madison eventually though that if she did end her life, the magazine founder would’ve had it “swept under the rug,” just like every other “scandal and ghost that once plagued Hugh Hefner.”
“Thankfully the only thing greater than my need to escape was my desire to share my experience. If I sunk my head below the water and went to sleep, no one would ever know the truth.”
Yikes, who knew it got this dark for the girl next door? Her memoir comes out June 23rd. Are you going to read it?