Sex

Unsatisfying Sex: A Necessary Conversation

Many singles find new partners every day, and often, these initial romances turn into meaningful relationships as days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. However, while the love itself may stay strong or even grow as time passes, the same is rarely the case for their sex lives. If you find yourself in a position where you love your current partner, but hate your current sex life, then this is the article for you!

Identifying the Issues

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Before you can make any positive changes in your current sex life, you will need to identify which factors are negatively impacting your current situation. Unfortunately, this conversation is an unpleasant one to have—especially with a loved one—and it can easily dissolve into a never-ending blame game. To avoid devolving into a pointless conversation, you’ll first need to establish that your partner is also interested in identifying issues (before pointing out any). Once you’re sure you’re both on the same page, then you can begin the conversation.

Partners tend to start lashing out when they feel like the blame is being placed on them, which means choosing the right wording is essential to having a productive conversation. Fortunately, it’s entirely possible to have this conversion without ever placing blame on anyone! Instead of wording sentences like “you do xxx which makes me xx,” try wording sentences like “I would really like to try xxx instead of xxx.” This avoids placing blame on any particular party and instead implies you’d like to change something regardless of who’s “at fault.” Now that you know how to have the conversation let’s take a closer look at some of the points you should discuss!

Changing Your Routine

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One of the easiest ways to kill the “spark” in a physical relationship is simply by doing the same thing over and over again. A lot of people think specifically of the missionary position when discussing a lack of variety, but in truth, even doing “doggy style” every time will get boring eventually. You should work with your partner to figure out your current routine, as well as the situations surrounding it, so you can determine which parts to change first.

Consider the timeline. Do you always have sex after dinner or right before bed? Changing when you have sex may not always be possible (especially if you’re parents), but is worth trying if at all possible. If you normally have sex in the evening, consider having sex mid-day or even in the morning to switch things up. As previously mentioned, positioning is another thing you can change. If you’re willing to change but not sure what to change to, consider picking up a copy of the Kama Sutra (you can also find this book online). It contains a wide variety of sexual positions that you and your partner can experiment with.

Trying Something New

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Changing when and how you have sex is a great place to begin your sexual renovations, but another thing to try changing is the context in which you have sex. Confused? We mean roleplaying! Most couples have sex as couples, but—assuming your partner is willing to give it a try—why limit yourselves to having sex as yourselves? Roleplaying will open your sex life up to a number of different possibilities and situations. Some popular choices include school, hospital, or affair fantasies, but you & your partner can discuss potential options to figure out exactly what would work best for you. Ideally, you want a fantasy that will be erotic for both of you, but if you can’t settle on one, try multiple! One fantasy may appeal more to one partner than the other, but you can switch back & forth on different days between fantasies. Not only will this ensure that both partners are satisfied, but it will also add variety to an otherwise boring sex schedule!

Adding Toys Into the Mix

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If you haven’t tried sex toys in the bedroom yet, then you’re in for a treat! By adding some of the best sex toys into the mix, even a severely subpar sex life can instantly become invigorating & exciting again. There are many different types of sex toys, so which ones you will use ultimately depends on what types of toys you’re interested in. Men have strokers, cock rings, and prostate massagers whereas women have vibrators and dildos (to name just a few options!). Both genders can enjoy butt toys as well, so you’ll definitely have plenty of options to choose from even if you’re only choosing from the abbreviated list of options above.There are several websites such as bedbible.com that review sex toys to provide you with useful knowledge before investing in a toy that you are uncertain about. Go to those websites before ordering to read more about sex toys.

When shopping for sex toys, remember that just because the manufacturer claims to make great toys doesn’t actually mean they make the best sex toys! Make sure you’re not wasting any money by taking the time to read sex toy reviews before purchasing anything. Many toys can seem similar at first glance, but prices vary drastically, making it hard for first-timers to determine if a product is actually worth the extra money or not. Reviews will help you learn the positives and the negatives about each toy, give you a general idea of the user experience, and guide you in a direction that’s helpful to your sex life overall.

Moving Beyond the Bedroom

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The ideas and talking points mentioned above should give you & your partner more than enough to discuss. Neither partner should dominate the conversation: each person has something valuable to contribute to the conversation! It’s important to realize that you both likely have very different tastes in some aspects, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Part of having an amazing sex life is finding out how to work both partners’ preferences into one ongoing act. Much like romance, sex takes work, but as long as both partners are willing to put in the effort, the end result is surely worth the trouble it takes to get there!

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