Jon Gosselin joins Funny or Die to make a parody of himself. I caught myself laughing a couple times – but mostly wishing this were true, and not just a joke. Jon needs to go back to the good ol’ days of Kate bitching him out all the time.

Jon Gosselin, or at least his legal team, is going to be spending a lot of time in court.

In addition to his divorce proceedings from wife Kate Gosselin, the reality dad was recently sued by TLC for breach of contract — and now he’s retaliated against the cable network with a $5 million lawsuit of his own, reports Radaronline.

Gosselin, 32, “is likely to argue that TLC is preventing him from earning a living with a contract that is too restrictive,” says Radar. The website notes that Gosselin’s lawyers Mike and Mark Heller have previously argued that their client lacked sufficient legal representation when he signed his initial contract with TLC, the network which broadcasts Jon and Kate Plus 8.

The network’s initial suit alleges that the father of eight has violated his TLC contract by engaging in unauthorized business deals and interviews. In the filing, Radar observes that “TLC is not stopping Jon from earning a living . . . and contends he is always able to go back to his former job in Information Technology.”

The breach of contract suit gets underway in a Maryland court Dec. 14, when Gosselin faces a preliminary injunction hearing. Along with his on-and-off girlfriend Hailey Glassman, one-time date Kate Major and former pal Michael Lohan, Gosselin himself will be forced to testify.

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Michael Lohan has been subpoenaed in TLC’s lawsuit against his one-time friend, Jon Gosselin, Radar Online reported.

Lohan, who may be the target of legal action himself in the coming weeks, told the site that Gosselin “did deals with [him].”

“I was working on a deal with him for a Nutrisystem endorsement and a book deal. He got paid a lot of money for different promotions, clubs, magazines, and by a TV network,” Michael claimed. “At times he said what we were doing was OK; at times he said it was a problem.”

Lohan also alleged that his former friend was paid in cash for many appearances. The pair were formerly planning a reality show called the “Divorced Dad’s Club,” which fell apart in recent weeks.

Gosselin is being sued for breach of contract by TLC. The status of his show with the network, “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ (which the cable channel announced in September was set to be renamed “Kate Plus 8″), remains up in the air.

As previously reported on AccessHollywood.com, a judge granted motions for the network’s lawyers to depose Lohan, along with Hailey Glassman and members of Gosselin’s staff.

Gosselin’s lawyer previously told Access the allegations were a “baseless action.”

As for Lohan’s own possible legal drama, daughter Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, previously told Access that reports that the young star would file a cease and desist or restraining order against her outspoken father were “not true.” However, mom  Dina Lohan told Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush on Monday that her other daughter, Ali, would be seeking a restraining order against her father.

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Jon Gosselin wasn’t pulling out the tissues during estranged wife Kate Gosselin’s tear-filled TLC interview Monday.

During her speech, Kate, 34, reflected on the end of their 10-year marriage, saying: “Whatever happened, it happened so quickly … Something had to give.”

On his Twitter page Tuesday, Jon, 32, suggested she wasn’t entirely honest.

“She claims she ‘didn’t remember’ who called it quits. Hey at least she said ‘didn’t remember’ instead of lieing [sic],” wrote Jon, who has spoken out numerous times that Kate pulled the plug on their marriage by refusing counseling.

He also said that Kate “even slipped last night” by admitting that “we split up a year ago!” (When the fifth season of the Gosselins’ TLC show premiered May 25, Kate said she didn’t know where their relationship was headed.)

Jon — who is now seeking spiritual guidance from high-profile Rabbi Shmuley Boteach — also Twittered that his life is returning to normal in Wernersville, Pa.

“Got up early this morning took Mady and Cara to the bus,” he wrote. “Came home to then hug my other six little morsels.”

Source, Bauer-Griffin

The romance has long since died, but for Kate Gosselin, a kernel of the emotion still lives.

“A part of me always will [love Jon],” she says. “It’s hard to to be married to somebody for 10 years and try to say, ‘No, I don’t love them anymore.’ It doesn’t work really well. I love the memories that we have together.”

Sitting down with the Today show’s Natalie Morales for a special aired on TLC Monday night, Gosselin, 34, describes a bleak life after splitting with Jon, with her living in the center of a maelstrom of media attention.

Can’t Turn Life Off
“We can’t turn life off,” she says. “You’re viewing our lives; yes, you can turn it off. I can’t turn life off. In the last nine, 10 months, it’s gotten real crazy, and I can’t seem to get away from it. I just want peace for my kids.”

Responding to Morales’s argument that she could find peace simply by leaving the cameras behind, the onetime nurse said that her life has turned into a Catch-22 situation she can’t seem to escape, and that she has no alternative but to keep pursuing what has become the primary source of income for herself and her eight children.

“At this point, I can’t go back,” she says.

Later, she adds: “I signed up for a reality show, I didn’t sign up to be a tabloid staple. If I said I was done and it was enough, it would just be five more covers of why it is that I’m done, and so I would be living that for a period of time essentially with no income, with no job.”

Hopes for the Show to Go On
Kate says that she hopes she can continue filming either with the kids or on her own TLC show. As for allegations that she’s exploiting her kids and harming them by putting them in the spotlight, Kate was adamant that the critics are wrong.

“Coming from a mom who laid on bed rest from the time I found I was pregnant – from seven weeks pregnant to 30 weeks – and would not put anything in my mouth that would harm them, and fought for every second of their existence, I can tell you there is nothing that would ever force me to put them in harm’s way,” she says.

On Her Own
There’s little support from friends or family, who she says have been either driven away or corrupted by the media’s fascination with the family’s self-destruction. Ultimately, that included Jon, 32, as well.

“Whatever happened, it happened so quickly. I think I was on a plane coming back from somewhere and I remember thinking, ‘We’re not going to recover from this,’ ” she says. “I looked at him and he looked at me, and we were completely different people. I think somewhere down the line his goals changed … and they felt detrimental to me and the kids.”

Choking up, she adds: “I still wake up every day and I think the phone will ring and it’ll be … the old Jon.”

Wishing It Could Be Like Before
But Kate, who calls herself the “forgotten middle child” who now trusts “a very, very small group of people,” says she bears some of the responsibility for alienating her husband, especially when it came to her notoriously controlling manner as a wife and mom.

“I was wrong to treat him that way,” she says.

But the divorce has been hardest, naturally, on the kids. “They all to a degree say I wish mommy and daddy could be here at the same time, and to that I say, I do too,” Kate says.

Source, Bauer-Griffin

Jon Gosselin says he intends to deliver two powerful words to his estranged wife, Kate Gosselin, at some point: I’m sorry.

Gosselin shed light on his intentions in front of the cameras Sunday night.

This time, reports CBS News Correspondent Whit Johnson wasn’t on a yacht or in a nightclub with a new girlfriend. A “surprisingly introspective” Gosselin turned up in a very unlikely venue.

“After a summer of parties and paparazzi,” Johnson says, “it was the last place you’d expect to find Jon Gosselin — a synagogue in Manhattan, where celebrity rabbi Shmuley Boteach kicked off the event.

Boteach, who once counseled Michael Jackson, joked, “I guess you all came here to hear my sermon on the Bible reading, right?”

Actually, audience members paid $20 a head to hear a serious Jon Gosselin — of “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” fame — dissect his troubled life and marriage.

In a dark suit and without his trademark earrings, Gosselin began by confessing that his celebrity is a mystery to him. “I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I’m not a Nobel Peace Prize winner. … I just had eight kids, and I had a show on TLC.”

He contended he never wanted the bright lights, saying, “I never asked for it, I never invited anyone. … The only cameras that ever followed me around were TLC, and that was only three days a week, and that was work. It’s a job. And then, all of a sudden, you know, I saw our marriage disintegrating.”

And while he didn’t vilify Kate, he did revisit a frequently heard complaint: “She always said I was the ‘ninth child.’ And I felt like the ninth child, because I couldn’t get to the point that she could love and respect me.”

Later, though — some frank reflections. First, to Kate: I want to apologize to Kate … so, when that time comes, I will apologize to her. And I’ll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. And that was a huge mistake.”

Then, to their eight kids: “I’m gonna have eight years to prepare, to think about how I’m gonna explain myself, what I did, in eight months. Even though I was a good father, I believe, for eight years, it doesn’t matter. Those eight months have tarnished those eight years.”

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While Jon Gosselin imitators around the globe are getting ready for Halloween, the real one says he is focusing on something else this weekend – spiritual enlightenment.

In a statement, the beleaguered father of eight says that he plans to reconnect with his “deeper, more spiritual, more altruistic self” through regular study sessions with celebrity Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

“I am well aware that my behavior over the past few months has not always reflected my personal and religious values,” Gosselin, 32, says in the statement. “I further accept that I have allowed myself to become somewhat severed from my own moral anchor and [to] be carried away by the challenges of fame.”

Boteach, who bills himself as “America’s Rabbi,” is best known for his high-profile connection to Michael Jackson, to whom he also served as a spiritual adviser. After Jackson’s death the rabbi published a book of their private conversations, The Michael Jackson Tapes. Also for sale on his Web site: a Rabbi Shmuley Bobblehead and his book, Kosher Sex.

Boteach and Gosselin reportedly met at a forum on values held at a Manhattan synagogue earlier this month. The unlikely pair have something in common: Like the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star, Boteach is not shy about publicity and also once appeared in a TLC reality series, Shalom in the Home, in which he counseled families in crisis.

Gosselin – whose girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, 22, is Jewish – says he plans to publicly apologize “in a sacred space to those whom I have hurt” on Sunday at Manhattan’s West Side Synagogue.

The planned apology caps another tumultuous week for the reality husband. On Thursday, he apologized to Glassman after she accused him of throwing “mantrums” and abusing her emotionally.

One controversy the ex-reality star says he is not courting: a role rumored series costarring Octomom Nadya Suleman.

“I do however accept that some of my previous actions have in some way lent credence to such outrageous stories,” he said.

Source, Bauer-Griffin