Fantasia Barrino, 26, has opened up with VH1′s Behind the Music about her recent suicide attempt, and what drove her over the edge.

Two weeks ago, following bad press she received for carrying on an affair with a married man, Fantasia overdosed on aspirin and sleep aid. She now admits that it was no accident, and she wanted to die.

“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out,” the American Idol winner, 26, tells VH1 in a new Behind the Music interview, airing 9 p.m. ET/PT Tuesday, the same day her new album, Back to Me, is released. “At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive].”

She continues: “I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”

Barrino’s manager, Brian Dickens, recalls finding her lying on the floor in her room. “Her emotions were extremely low,” he says. “She’d been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying ‘I love you.’ I wrote back, ‘I love you more.’ Then it hit me.”

“I wrote, ‘You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.’ And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, ‘Already did.’ I went into Fantasia’s room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped.”

What made the successful singer, who’s preparing to release her third album, want to end her life? “I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired,” she says. “My head was hurting me. I was over it.”

In the end, Fantasia says that her nurse was her saving grace. “My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear,” she says. “She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, ‘You gotta get up, and you’ve gotta get out of here, ’cause you haven’t fulfilled your destiny.’ ”

“I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like I can’t, I can’t go on, it’s too heavy. That was somewhere I don’t ever want to go again.”

PEOPLE

Surrounded by family and friends, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer said “I do”.

“Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin were married on Saturday evening in Malibu surrounded by their family and friends,” the couple’s reps tell PEOPLE.

Anna wore a white halterneck gown, decked out in Neil Lane jewelry, while Stephen Moyer wore a dark suit. The two were married at a private residence in Malibu, under a white tent on the beach.

“It was a beautiful evening to get married and the sunset was gorgeous. Anna and Stephen seemed very excited to celebrate their wedding day,” a source tells PEOPLE.

Many of the guests brought gifts wrapped in purple paper. Celebrity guests included Elijah Wood, True Blood costars Carrie Preston and Ryan Kwanten and True Blood creator Alan Ball.

Moyer, 40, proposed to Paquin, 28, after a year-long engagement.

PEOPLE

Drew looks so skinny!

She’s out there right now promoting her new movie, Going the Distance with on-again, off-again boyfriend Justin Long. They play a couple who meet and fall in love over the summer in New York, but when she returns home in San Francisco, the two try and have a successful long-distance relationship.

Drew and Justin met three years ago on the set of He’s Just Not That Into You, and dated for about a year before breaking up. They reunited early last year, but neither will confirm if they’re still dating.

Bauer Griffin

TV Host LaLa Vasquez looks to be in good spirits as she leaves her hotel in NYC.

She’s so pretty!

Fame

Heidi Montag is maaaaad at Spencer. There’s a rumor going around that Spencer Pratt is shopping around a sex tape of him and Heidi. Friends are defending The Hills star.

“Heidi’s really p—ed off,” the couple’s pal Cougar Zank told RadarOnline.com. “She denies there is a sex tap. She’s furious that Spencer would try and embarrass her like this.”

When asked if Heidi knew about Spencer’s plans, her pal Jennifer Bunney told RadarOnline.com: “No way [Heidi know about this].

“She would never put out a sex tape of herself. She’s extremely religious and concentrated on getting her life to where she wants it to be.”

A sex tape, Bunney says, is the “last thing” Heidi would do. “Really, Spencer would never hurt Heidi. He loves her even despite the fact that they are getting a divorce. I really doubt the validity of this.”

Well, Cougar spoke with Steven Hirsch. He is from porn distributor Vivid. He has confirmed the Spencer did indeed come around trying to shop a tape. But the tape has yet to appear. No one’s seen it as of yet and I don’t think anyone wants to either! Yuck!

Source Bauer Griffin

Here’s some shots of the cast of Gossip Girl as they film scenes near Columbia University.

Bauer Griffin

Not only is Fantasia Barrino planning to move in with her married lover Antwaun Cook against her family’s approval, they are also planning a new reality show with VH1.

A source told RadarOnline.com: “Fantasia and Antwaun are going to move-in together despite the fact that his divorce has not been finalized. They are talking about getting married and have been approached to do a new reality show about their relationship together.”

“Fantasia’s family has reservations about Antwaun because he’s married and that they also feel that he could be using her for his own ends” says the source. “They feel that she is rushing into things too quickly without thinking it through fully and they have been trying to talk her out of moving-in with him.”

“But Fantasia really loves the guy and wants to marry him and start a family too.”

Within 24 hours of being released from the hospital after Fantasia’s suicide attempt, the couple were shotting filiming scenes for her VH1 reality show Fantasia For Real.

He’s been spotted removing some of his items from the home he had shared with his wife Paula Cook and their two sons in North Carolina.

Antwaun had been defending Fantasia, saying that she is not the reason his marriage to Paula didn’t work out. Paula feels differently and even filed a complaint against the singer for having the affair with him.

Joseph Barrino is Fantasia’s father and a deeply religious man. He is upset that his daughter would date a married man.

He said: “I do not think that can be real, it must be somebody else. I’m very displeased with that relationship because he is a married man and all of that has been discussed with Fantasia.”

It looks like love knows no boundries for Fantasia, because despite her family’s objections, she is moving forward with the relationship with Antwaun.

Source Bauer Griffin