Man Commits Suicide After Learning Harry Potter Spoiler
A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling movie, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”
Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, “I no longer have a reason to live.”
Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston’s house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter – and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate.
“When Jude got that vanity license plate that said ‘Hogwarts,’ that seemed harmless enough,” said Polly Clovis, who attended Model U.N. with Mr. Ralston while the two were in high school. “But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help.”
According to friends of Mr. Ralston, the Potter fanatic had done everything in his power to protect himself from stumbling across Potter plot spoilers, even disconnecting his computer from the Internet and avoiding his favorite vintage comic book store.
Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston’s death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place.
“In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude’s life, even if he didn’t have one,” she said.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:56 am
“I no longer have a reason to live”….um, I don’t know, maybe live long enough to see the last two movies so you can see how it all turns out!!!!!
July 14th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Did you read the book? Perhaps that might have given the movie away years ago.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am
WTF! That’s exactly what I was thinking. If he was such a fan, he would have read the books. They are SO much better, and are SO much more involved than the movies have time to be!!
Ms. Clovis sounds CRA-ZA-ZY!
July 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am
First of all, if he was such a fan, he would have read the books.
Secondly, this has to be a fake story since the first novel came out in 2000 when this guy would have been 23. He would no longer have been in high school when/if he got this supposed Hogwarts vanity plate.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:38 am
This does not sound legit to me, more like a posting on the Onion. That last quote is too good to be true, so it probably is.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
It’s not real – The article was written by Andy Borowitz, who is a satirical columnist for huffingtonpost.com
July 14th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
It’s not real. The article was written by Andy Borowitz, who is a satirical columnist for huffingtonpost.com
July 14th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Not that I truly thought it was real, but I looked it up and it is a joke!
July 14th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
hmmm i dont believe it..
prolly someone who doesnt have and wanted to get some attention wrote this..
next thing u know columnist died at age 29 after writing a joke a about a harry potter fanatic
July 14th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
This has got to be a joke.
July 17th, 2009 at 8:10 am
It’s fricking SATIRE, people!
Satire completely plagiarized from Andy Borowitz’s “Borowitz Report” from the Huffington Post!
IT ISN’T REAL! Borowitz made it up to be funny, and whoever runs this website simply cut-and-pasted the story!
July 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Poor guy. My condolences to him and his family.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
in reply to Danica: “first novel came out in 2000 ” – the first novel actually came out way before 2000! i’m pretty sure they came out in 1997-8
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
If he were a true fan he might just have read the book and found out ohh i don’t know a few years earlier? the first novel came out in the UK in 1997. i don’t think this story is real, i read it somewhere else and i don’t know, this makes me lose faith in humanity :[