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Andy Dick reveals details about his arrest last year, “I was out in the sticks at my friend’s Dad’s funeral. It was an Irish funeral and I kept the party going for days Andy-Dick style. When I drink I turn into a moron. I think I’m being funny and clever, but I look back on the video tape and I border on retardation. People see me as a very easy target and they just make fun of me. It’s horrible, actually. It’s like making fun of a mentally handicapped person, because I am when I have that much alcohol inside of me.”
Dick was sentenced to three years of probation and is required to wear an ankle alcohol monitor for one year. He says if the monitor detects any kind of alcohol he will go “straight to jail.” He goes on to say, “I didn’t like it at first but now it’s become my new best friend. If it wasn’t for her (the device) I would probably already be drinking by now.”
On his lowest point while drinking, Dick recalls, “Sitting in the back of the cop car urinating all over myself, crying, blowing my nose into my own shirt. It was incomprehensible demoralization. I also had in one day, my agent, my manager and my publicist say ‘Sayonara!’ That still didn’t stop me.”
Dick appears this season on VH1′s “Sober House,” which chronicles the dramatic, real-life experiences of celebrities trying to stay sober after leaving addiction treatment facilities. He tells ET he initially turned down the opportunity to appear on the show and explains why he later changed his mind, “My spiral into the purest of all hells has been very well documented, so why not get some professional cameras on me while you see my slow climb back up out of the gutter?”
He goes on to say, “The only person I trusted was Dr. Drew Pinksy. I’ve known him for 20 years so there’s history and trust. If anyone was to help me, it would be him. And I don’t know if I could look more of a fool than I already have.”

Thanks for clearing it up, Audrina.
Audrina Patridge has just taken to her official blog to dispel rumors that her and Benji Madden are the new hot Hollywood couple. Audrina writes:
“I’m getting a lot of calls today about a story that ran in a New York paper saying that I am now in a “romantic” relationship with Benji Madden.
I find it highly amusing, since I haven’t seen him since December. I think Benji is a sweetheart and we’re good friends, but we are definitely NOT dating!
Just wanted to clear that up!”

What would happen to Carrie Bradshaw if the recession kept her from purchasing those famous $600 Manolo Blahniks?
“She would probably end up in a hospital,” jokes Sarah Jessica Parker in the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar, which hits stands Feb. 17.
“Perhaps she would go back to her ’80s stuff and start bringing it back out,” she adds.
Parker herself finds the downturn “very scary.”
“I can’t imagine going shopping,” she continues.
She doesn’t hit the stores as often as Bradshaw, though.
“Friends are readily disappointed by the size of my closet. And I thought it was big!” she says.
Parker explains that she doesn’t have the “Carrie Bradshaw passion and devotion” to fashion, “but I would much prefer that life would allow for a beautiful shoe all day long.”
Meanwhile, E! confirms that Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall and Kristin Davis officially signed their contracts Wednesday afternoon to reprise their roles in the sequel.

Oh yeah, it’s a slow news day.
Splash

On giving birth:
“Contractions aren’t that bad. If you’ve ever had bad cramps? That’s what they’re like. But that moment when they put thebaby on your chest – that’s deep. It’s a deep experience.”
On snapping back into shape so quickly after giving birth:
“I did it for the Campari job. [The workouts] were horrible. I cried. And I haven’t worked out since.”
Her secret to looking slim after giving birth:
“I wore a girdle. Eight weeks after my girlfriend had her baby, you could see her six-pack. She told me to put an elastic band around my waist – any kind of band or girdle works. She was like, “I slept in it.” I didn’t recover as fast as she did. I don’t have a six-pack – that’s just not my body at all.”
On separation anxiety:
“This is the first time I’ve been away from her. It’s been six days. It sucks; it’s the worst thing ever. But we Skype, so I can see her on video. The worst is when you can see her little chubby hands grab the screen, and I’m not there. [She pauses, her eyes welling up, then laughs as she wipes the tears away.] That’s a new thing – I never cried before. Just being a mother is making me a big, weepy mess.”
On fashion:
“I’ve always loved beautiful clothes, but I’m not very hip to the coolest, newest, most fashionable thing. I’ve always liked mixing casual things with nice, beautiful pieces – mixing masculine and feminine. I just didn’t always know how to do it. As a kid, I bought random, thrift store stuff and hoped that it worked. Sometimes it didn’t.”
On her husband having a say in what she wears:
“Whether I’m dressed as a boy or wearing a gown, he’s pretty cool about it all. He doesn’t want to change me. He’s always like, “Okay, whatever makes you happy.”
On having an exotic look:
“Anyone who’s part of pop culture is going to be sensationalized and spun into something, some one-liner. Also, there aren’t many other stars, besides Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez, who most people in the world can related to. We look like people of the world – I can kind of mix in with girls in Asia, South America, Europe.”
