The Hills’ very own villain, Spencer Pratt, is now a full-fledged advice columnist, fielding questions “from regular folks with regular problems, just like you,” in Radar magazine.

Well, irregular is a bit more like it. In his first attempt at guy-style guidance, Pratt is confronted with a query on how to call back a date after you’ve accidentally wet his bed. (The letter-writer says she left his place before she woke up.)

“Wow! This is a situation you do not want to find yourself in,” responds Pratt, who, finally gets around to suggest: “Best bet is to be honest and tell him that was the drunkest you’ve ever been and that it was a huge mistake and it’ll never happen again. And make sure you buy him new sheets.”

Pratt will dispense such pearls of wisdom starting with the April issue of Radar’s print edition and every Tuesday on its Web site.

Asked how he deals with “weak people and haters” Pratt says that he doesn’t like the weak around him, but has nothing but love for the haters. “If people aren’t hating on you, they don’t care, and if they don’t care, that means you’re not doing anything right,” he writes. “I love my haters.”

And when I first read the story about the chick peeing the bed, I thought it was just snarky commentary.