Oh Avril Lavigne, pride of Napanee, Ont., where did it all go wrong?

It seems like it was just the other day that he was a Sk8er Boi and the other girl was a preppy, and then he became a big rock star and the preppy girl was mortified and Avril was the rock star’s girlfriend and everything worked out. It worked out ‘cos Avril was dancing on a car with all these other people dancing around her and being really jealous ‘cos Avril was wearing, like, some guy’s necktie over her T-shirt and they hadn’t thought of that.

And then, dear heart, Avril Lavigne, pride of Napanee, it got so complicated. Why’d ya have to go and do that?

Allegations that you were just a record-company created anti-Britney, a thing made in a Petri dish by marketers and mysterious professional songwriters. Allegations of plagiarism and then lawyer’s letters, and poor Chantal Kreviazuk retracting everything she said about you. And then the dumb-as-a-plank spitting and swearing at photographers and people who just wanted your autograph. Did you really have to sign eff-you instead of signing your name? Did you really have to go to the same club two nights in a row and spit at paparazzi? The apologies came later, too later. Why did ya have to go and act like you’re somebody else? Why did ya have to go and make it all so very complicated?

Whatever. I’m going to stop addressing questions to the pride of Napanee now and just give you the gist of a much-promoted thing airing tonight.

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WENN