The Boston Herald reviewed the new series, and I really hope they’re wrong.

If only your medical insurance covered the suffering of “Private Practice.”

The spinoff from ABC’s blockbuster “Grey’s Anatomy” (premiering Wednesday night at 9 on WCVB, Ch. 5) is practically dead on arrival, choked with contrived stories and lifeless characters.

As the show opens, OB-GYN specialist Addison (Kate Walsh) tenders her resignation to Seattle Grace, leaving (unseen) McDreamy and McSteamy for a ward of McStupids in Los Angeles.

At the medical co-op Oceanside Wellness Center, Addison learns to her horror that the rest of the staff doesn’t know she was hired.
“To them, I’m an interloper. I don’t lope,” she complains to best friend Dr. Naomi Bennett (Audra McDonald).

McDonald replaces Merrin Dungey as Addison’s best friend. It’s obvious why she was hired. Her character is far more neurotic, sobbing on the floor of the bathroom while stuffing her face with cake after the breakup of her marriage to Dr. Sam Bennett (Taye Diggs).

Addison’s new practice will consist, on average, of one patient a day, and that raises the first of many questions: How does this co-op pay for itself, anyway?

Naomi tries to explain. “It’s not about surgery. It’s about connecting.”

Addison bickers with holistic doc Pete Wilder (Tim Daly, who appears to have aged considerably since the first pilot was shot) over his methods and his kissing.

Amy Brenneman (“Judging Amy”) and Paul Edelstein (“Prison Break”) round out the cast as lovelorn doctors.

By the time Addison suffers a panic attack over a pregnant patient in crisis, you realize you are not watching the intimidating, competent Addison who made Seattle Grace interns quake. You are watching Meredith Grey as played by Kate Walsh. Creator Shonda Rhimes has merely swapped locations for one neurotic heroine.

As on “Grey’s,” there is the now trite device of a patient’s crisis somehow illuminating the physician’s personal life.

Wednesday night, Sam and Naomi learn an important after-school-special-worthy lesson in letting go from a wife and a mistress fighting over a dead man’s sperm. OK, a lesson from an after-school special on the Playboy Channel, but you get the drift.

There’s only one way to improve “Private Practice”: a Do Not Resuscitate order.

Well, decide for yourselves, guys! Private Practice premieres tonight on ABC, and you can bet I’m going to watch it. Well, I’m going to TIVO it…I have a girls night tonight, and a couple drinks sounds better than sitting and watching TV. But I’ll totally watch it tomorrow when the kids are at school.