Almost two months without comment, Smith, 38 – in the Bahamas with partner Howard K. Stern, 37, by her side – opened up in an October 28 interview with Entertainment Tonight’s Mark Steines that begins airing November 2.
 
“The interview is a veritable roller coaster of emotions,” Steines tells Us. “She beams when she holds little Dannielynn…but it is when she utters the name Daniel that she’s no longer able to compose herself. Us previews Smith’s bombshells.
 
On contemplating suicide:
“I’ll never accept that [Daniel is] gone…I don’t understand why God took him and didn’t take me,” says Smith, adding that she had suicidal thoughts after he died. “[Howard is] my only support. If I didn’t have Howard or my baby, I wouldn’t be here.”

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On being angry with her mother:
After Daniel’s death, Smith’s estranged mother, Virgie Arthur (who resides in Montgomery, Texas), hinted in interviews that her grandson may have been murdered. Smith’s response? “She doesn’t know anything about him, she doesn’t know me and for her to go out there and make these ridiculous statements about me or Howard killing my son – who does she think she is?”
 
On her epidural not working:
“They thought the baby was going to be too big, and it was going to bust my womb,” the former Playboy Playmate tells ET. “So they had to do a caesarean. I had an epidural, but it did not kick in. I felt everything.”
 
On being in love:
“My life with Howard started with him being my attorney and then years later, I had a big crush on him,” she says. “And then a couple years later…[I was] kind of flirting around with him and we…got it on! When did I know I was in love? I guess the first time I ever kissed him.”
 
On having more kids:
“Howard definitely wants more children,” says Smith, who is enraptured with daughter Dannielynn. “She’s so beautiful. When…I saw her [for the first time], I saw my son’s face in her.”
 
On Stern being the father of the baby:
Smith tells ET, “The bottom line is it’s our child. Please give us the respect and leave us alone. Let us raise our child, and let us be happy.”

Source:  US MAG